I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
