are you so shy because you have an std?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
