piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
