There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
