I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
