I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
