Pappa wants mamma naked
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
