People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
