one might say we're banned from that church
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
