he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize