too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
