the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Randomize
