I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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