So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You ruined the universe
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
