; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
