Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
