I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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