im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
