the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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