Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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