What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize