I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
