I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
