Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Acid is not a monday night drug
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
