ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
