we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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