We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
