I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
