Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
