I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
