bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
