She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
