Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
