I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
