8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The feeling are messing with the penis
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
