arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
