WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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