Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
