I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
