he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
