ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
what day is it and did you see me today?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
