I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
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i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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