whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
