my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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