I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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