I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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