He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
