I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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