i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
