Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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