There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
