But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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