I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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