do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
