I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
vagina is talking i cant
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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