My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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