So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
