I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
