I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
