he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
and you said cock pushups were impossible
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
