I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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