dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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