Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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