True but thats because hes a fetus.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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