I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
