I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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