I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
