Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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